As a leader, do you practise reflexivity?

Ever find yourself thinking back on your day, wondering why you did what you did?

No matter what role we hold, we are regularly asked to adapt, solve problems, make decisions and work well with others, often during periods of significant change.

Technical skills still matter, but one of the strongest drivers of effective leadership is self-awareness: understanding our emotions, thoughts, behaviours, strengths, limitations and the impact we have on the people around us.

Self-awareness does not develop automatically. It takes deliberate practice, and one useful way to build it is through a process known as reflexivity.

What is reflexivity?
While reflection usually asks us to examine what happened, reflexivity goes further. It asks us to consider how our own beliefs, assumptions, experiences, emotions and behaviours may have shaped what happened. Instead of simply replaying an event, we examine the part we played in it.

A quote often attributed to psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl captures this idea:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Reflexivity helps us notice and use that space. Rather than reacting automatically, we pause, examine what may be influencing us, reflect on our role in the situation and choose a more deliberate response.

This does not require hours of analysis. Reflexivity can be practised in brief moments throughout the working day, particularly after a difficult conversation, decision or interaction.

In practice, it can be broken into four simple steps: Pause, Notice, Reflect and Choose.

1. Pause
The first step is to create space between what has happened and how you respond. The pause does not need to be long. It might involve taking a breath before speaking, waiting before sending an email or briefly stepping away from a difficult conversation.

Ask yourself:

• What has just happened?
• What am I reacting to?
• Do I need to respond immediately?

Even a brief pause can help shift you from an automatic reaction to a more considered response.

2. Notice
Once you have paused, pay attention to what is happening within you. Notice your emotions, physical reactions, assumptions and the story you may be telling yourself about the situation.

Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling?
• What assumptions am I making?
• Am I responding to what actually happened, or to what I think it means?

This step can feel uncomfortable, but it often reveals what is driving our behaviour.

3. Reflect
Reflection involves looking honestly at the part you played in the situation. This does not mean taking responsibility for everything that happened. It means considering how your behaviour, communication or assumptions may have influenced the outcome.

Ask yourself:

• Why did I react that way?
• How might other people have experienced my response?
• What impact did my behaviour have?
• What can I learn from this?

Feedback from colleagues, managers, clients or other stakeholders can also help. Other people may notice patterns or blind spots that are difficult for us to recognise on our own.

4. Choose
The final step is to decide how you want to respond. Rather than allowing habit or instinct to take over, choose the response most likely to support a useful outcome.

Ask yourself:

• What response would be most helpful now?
• What do I want to communicate?
• What could I do differently next time?

The aim is not to find a perfect response. It is to understand what is influencing your behaviour so you can respond with greater awareness and intention.

This is particularly valuable during pressure, conflict and change, when automatic reactions are more likely to surface. Reflexivity creates the space to recognise those reactions, consider your impact and choose a response that better supports the situation.

What gets in the way of reflexivity?
Building a new habit takes time, and there are a few common barriers that can make reflexivity harder to practise.

When workloads increase, reflection is often the first thing people stop doing. Yet periods of pressure are often when self-awareness is needed most, and even a brief pause can provide useful insight.

Honest self-examination can also feel uncomfortable. Looking closely at our behaviour and decisions may reveal blind spots, mistakes or habits we would prefer not to see. However, growth begins with awareness.

Developing leadership skills also requires personal ownership. Managers, coaches and mentors can support development, but no one can build self-awareness on our behalf.

Why reflexivity matters for contemporary leadership
Contemporary leadership practices require more than technical expertise or knowing what to do. Leaders need to understand how they think, behave, communicate and respond to other people, particularly when navigating complexity, pressure and change.

Reflexivity strengthens these leadership skills by helping us recognise the assumptions and reactions influencing our behaviour before they shape our decisions or our impact on others.

So the next time a conversation, decision or interaction does not go as expected, return to the four steps: Pause. Notice. Reflect. Choose.

With practice, this process can strengthen self-awareness, improve leadership judgement and help you lead others more effectively.